


never meant to be

by rainyghost



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, F/M, Heavy Angst, How Do I Tag, I don't know how ao3 works, M/M, Minor Character Death, Unrequited Love, shyan, skeptic believer, this doesn't have a happy ending read at your own risk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2018-12-20 15:28:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11923809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainyghost/pseuds/rainyghost
Summary: He thinks he’s known this all along - maybe this was why he never acknowledged his feelings, for fear of rejection - for fear of knowing this cruel fact.Unrequited love. That’s what they call it, this pain, this hurt, these half-formed tears in his eyes. Unrequited love.





	1. 01 - childhood

**Author's Note:**

> hello! this is the first fic i’m posting on this account. i’ve been snooping around this tag for a while now and i thought i'd contribute to the fandom. by writing a long winded angst fic. yeah.
> 
> rainyghosty.tumblr.com

It happens sometime around seven or eight, when the last of the sun’s rays bruise the sky with shades of orange and purple and pink. The sun bleeds red like a broken heart and sinks below the horizon, hidden away for the night.

It happens when the crickets take up their evening song, filling the woods with rhythmic vibrations, a chorus of lost souls singing for something beyond comprehension. The songbirds fall silent. They’ve succumbed to this eerie lullaby, pulled into the tides of sleep.

It happens when the wispy sparks of the campfire grow into a full, roaring flame. It provides light in the absence of the sun, bathing the young faces huddled around it in a golden glow. Warming cold hands and thawing frozen hearts.

Shane looks over at his best friend. He sees the way the fire softens his features, listens to the crickets sing, feels the loss of the red sun, and realizes he is in love.

***

He’s seven years old when he meets Ryan.

It’s the first day of second grade and the dark-haired boy is the only new kid in their class. Shane sees him sitting in the back of the classroom, eyes glued to his desk. He’s gripping a pencil so hard that his knuckles are turning white.

He looks terrified.

The bell for recess rings. Schoolchildren pour out of the dusty-red building, filling the playground with bright laughter and excited chattering. The new kid’s sitting all alone on the swingset, kicking up dust and dirt with his feet. He looks up with wide eyes as Shane approaches, his legs stilling.

“Hi, I’m Shane! What’s your name?” Shane plops down on the swing next to him. He runs his hands down the chains, then smells them.

The kid stares at him for a moment before his expression eases, the fear leaving his eyes. “Ryan,” he says. “M-My name’s Ryan.”

“Ryan,” Shane says, testing it out. He likes it. He likes the way the gentle, rolling consonants and smooth vowels blend together to form something soft and sweet in his mouth. “I like that name!”

Ryan gives him a shy grin. “Thanks?”

He likes Ryan’s eyes too, Shane decides. They’re a warm shade of dark brown. The color reminds him of the coffee his mother drinks in the mornings, filling the room with an intoxicating scent.

But his mother’s coffee is bitter and overpowering. There’s nothing bitter in Ryan’s eyes.

***

It’s Ryan’s tenth birthday party. His house is filled to the brim with colorful streamers and balloons swaying from side to side because of the breeze from the air conditioner.

The younger kids are running around the room with chocolate birthday cake smeared across their faces and sticky fingers. The older ones have gathered around the television watching some kind of cartoon, whooping and cheering whenever a character pulls off a cool move.

Shane’s standing in a corner of the room, sipping at a cup of root beer. He’s pretending to be intrigued by a poster on the wall — the cast from Ghostbusters all decked out in their gear, weapons at the ready.

He’s not surprised by the poster. Ryan has always been into the unknown. He calls Shane in the middle of the night, sometimes, just to talk about conspiracy theories and ghost sightings. He’s got pages and pages of research in spiral-bound notebooks, ranging from newspaper clippings of murder suspects to pictures of supposedly haunted houses.

Shane thinks it’s all pretty silly — because ghosts aren’t real — but he humors his friend. He’ll indulge in Ryan’s rants of demonic possessions any time of day, just to see his eyes light up with a fiery passion and listen to the enthusiasm in his voice.

Because, well, that’s what friends are for.

Right?

There’s a note of doubt that accompanies this thought, but he pushes it away. Of course it’s what friends do. Friends support each other’s interests even if they think it’s dumb. And of course friends want each other to be happy. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to see Ryan smile.

Of course not.

***

Ryan gets a girlfriend in their freshman year of high school.

Suddenly, Ryan wants to spend all his time with Anna Dean. Instead of playing video games with Shane in the computer lab during their free periods, he disappears with his girlfriend to do who-knows-what. Shane’s caught them in secluded parts of the library making out like it’s the end of the world — he just walks away and tries to scrub that image from his mind.

He starts sitting with Anna’s friends at lunch. And even when Shane finally gets a chance to hang out with Ryan, one-on-one, all he wants to talk about is Anna. Anna this, Anna that, Anna’s favorite color, her favorite movies — it’s like Shane doesn’t even exist anymore.

And the worst part? Shane can’t bring himself to hate her. She’s a perfectly nice girl, with honey blonde hair and dimpled cheeks. She bakes cupcakes with buttercream frosting every week and she lets people have as many as they want. There’s nothing to dislike about her.

But still.

Shane is _incredibly_ bitter.

He finally snaps one day when Ryan starts talking about her for the millionth time at his house. “Dude, could you shut up about her for once?”

And then he regrets everything because Ryan just looks so confused and _hurt_.

Shane hates it when Ryan is sad.

“I- I mean, you talk about her all the time and I feel like we never get to spend time together anymore…” His voice trails off and he glances awkwardly to the side, face heating up with shame. He really shouldn’t have lost his temper like that. It’s making everything so much worse.

“I’m...sorry you feel that way, Shane, I’m sure we can work something out—”

“No no no, it’s fine.” Shane starts shoving his books and pens into his backpack. “I’m gonna go home. I’m sorry, I—” He doesn’t finish his sentence. Instead, he grabs his bag and practically runs from the room.

It’s drizzling when he gets outside, so he pulls his hood over his head and walks faster. Droplets of water find their way onto his face anyway. When he blinks, his vision is suddenly blurry and he can’t tell if it’s from the rain or his own tears.

Thunder rumbles in the distance and the rain picks up the pace. It doesn’t matter, though, because Shane’s house is only a block away. Making a run for it, he gets inside just as another ferocious clap of thunder shakes the house.

He drops his backpack, stumbles upstairs into his room, and collapses on his bed.

“I fucked up,” he whispers. He rolls onto his back and stares at the ceiling. “I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked up…”

He walks to school the next morning with a heavy heart and a general atmosphere of dread. Scared of what’ll happen when he sees Ryan again. He can’t stop overthinking, and worrying, and doubting, and playing out every possible scenario in his head until he feels physically sick.

Ryan turning away from him. Ryan giving him the cold shoulder. Ryan telling him that he doesn’t want to be friends anymore. Ryan telling him to get out of his life. Ryan hating him forever. Ryan choosing Anna over their friendship.

Holding back bitter tears, Shane heads straight for his locker and starts turning the dial.

“Hey.”

He turns around so quickly that he almost slams his elbow into Ryan’s face. “Oh- hey.”

Ryan glances around and takes a breath. “Can we- can we talk?”

He can’t even make eye contact with him. God, he’s so pathetic. “Sure, yeah, we should probably do that. We’re doing that right now, actually.”

There’s a note of amusement in Ryan’s voice. “Meet me in the computer lab during second period?”

He nods. Working up the courage to meet Ryan’s eyes, he looks up and starts to say something but Ryan is already gone.

First period comes and goes. Shane barely pays attention in class because he’s so jittery about the upcoming talk with his best friend. He has no idea how to start or what he should say, but he figures he can’t go wrong with a heartfelt apology.

The bell rings and class is dismissed. Quickly gathering his books and stuffing them into his overflowing bag, he bumps into Anna. “Oh, sorry.”

“It’s fine.” She gives him a strange look and disappears in the crowd of students, leaving a baffled Shane behind.

Second period is his free period, so he doesn’t have to worry about going to class. As he approaches the computer lab, his heart starts beating faster and his stomach feels like it’s falling. He pauses at the door. He fels bile rising up at the back of his throat but he takes a shuddering breath and swallows. 

He can do this.

Shane turns the knobs and enters.

Ryan’s sitting at one of the computers on the far end of the room and he looks up when Shane comes in. “Hey, Shane—”

“I am so sorry,” he blurts out, staring at his shoes. “I’m really, truly sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, I know how much Anna means to you, and I don’t want you to feel like you’ve got to choose between her or me.”

Shane hears Ryan get up and walk over to him, and he’s half-expecting him to punch him in the face, because he totally deserves it. But Ryan wouldn’t ever do that. He places a gentle hand on his shoulder instead. Bringing his head up, Shane looks into Ryan’s eyes and sees how they’re filled with compassion and concern.

“It’s alright. I pretty much abandoned you for Anna and _that_ wasn’t cool of me. I’m sorry, too.”

He manages a grin. “I mostly just missed crushing you in Mario Kart.”

Ryan wheezes. “That’s a total lie. You suck at Mario kart.” Sobering quickly, he withdraws his hand from Shane’s shoulder and adds, “I know things have been kind of rough between us lately, and I wanna fix that. I- I’m gonna try and balance romance and friendship better, because I know I was doing a bang up job of that earlier. I don’t want to lose you. You’ve been my best friend since second grade and I’d just be a dick if I chose a relationship over a seven year friendship.”

His friend glances up at him anxiously, but his worries are assuaged by the bright smile on Shane’s face.

“That’s all I needed to hear.”

Everything’s going to be alright.

***

A few weeks later, Shane hears someone knocking on his door in the middle of the night.

He’s half-asleep from trying to finish a bit of physics homework, but the sound brings him back to reality and he jerks upright in his seat. Staring in the direction of the stairs, he wonders who the hell could be out there at — he checks his watch — eleven o’clock at night. A burglar? Some sort of stalker?

At that thought, Shane looks around and grabs his stainless steel water bottle. He can always smash it over someone’s head if worst comes to worst.

Better safe than sorry.

Water bottle in hand, Shane checks his mother’s bedroom first — her door is slightly ajar and he sees that she’s fast asleep, snoring gently. Quietly, he tiptoes down the stairs and makes his way to the front door.

He hears the knocking again, this time louder and more urgent. Bracing himself, he throws the door open to find — Ryan?

Ryan looks...absolutely awful. His eyes are red and puffy from tears. There’s a downtrodden, dejected air in the way he holds himself: his head is drooping, his shoulders are slumped, and his hands are shoved in his sweatshirt pocket.

Shane’s heart physically _aches_. He hates seeing him like this.

“Ryan? What — are you okay, dude?”

His friend doesn’t respond at first, continuing to stare at his feet. Finally, he sniffles and looks up. “Anna…” he chokes out, stifling a sob. “She cheated on me.”

It takes a second for Shane’s brain to process this.

When it finally clicks, he sees _red_.

Anna did this to Ryan. Anna was self-centered and awful enough to reduce Ryan to a tearful mess. Anna betrayed Ryan’s trust. 

She _hurt_ him.

She hurt his best friend.

“Oh fuck no.”

Shane sets the water bottle on the stand next to the door and pulls Ryan in for a tight hug. The smaller boy dissolves into tears and buries his face in his neck, sobbing incoherently. Shane makes soft hushing noises, quietly murmuring, “It’ll be okay.” Ryan smells like rain and cinnamon — a strange combination, but it seems to work — and then he wonders why he noticed it at all.

“Shane?” He lets go of Ryan and turns towards his mother’s voice. She’s halfway down the stairs and leaning against the banister. “Ryan? What’re you doing here?”

“Ryan’s having a bad night, Mom,” he says, glancing at Ryan’s face, still wet with tears. “Do you mind if he stays over?”

“Oh, of course not,” she says, smiling sleepily at the boys. “But do your parents know you’re here?”

There’s a pause, and Ryan shakes his head. “No ma’am, I- ah, I snuck out.”

“Not a problem. I’ll give them a call. Do you boys need anything? Water, snacks?”

“We’re alright. Thanks, Mom.”

His mother gives them another smile and, yawning, goes back upstairs.

Settling down in the den, Ryan curls up on a beanbag and stares sullenly out the window while Shane goes to the kitchen. He returns with two mugs of hot cocoa and a bowl of chips. Offering a mug to Ryan, who accepts it half-heartedly, he puts the chips on the table and plops down on a pouf.

They sit in silence, sipping at their cocoa. Shane burns his tongue a few times but he finishes a few minutes later, whereas Ryan still has an untouched layer of whipped cream in his cup.

“Can we put on a movie?” Ryan asks suddenly. Shane pauses in the midst of eating a chip; he shrugs and pops it in his mouth.

“If you want. What kind of movie?”

“I don’t know. What do you have?”

He makes his way to the TV stand and opens a cabinet to reveal stacks of DVDs. “Let’s see...we’ve got _The Godfather_ , _Jaws_ , _The Breakfast Club_...ooh, _The Empire Strikes Back_... _A Nightmare on Elm Street_ …"

“Oh, I haven’t seen that last one in a while. Could we watch that?”

“Sure.”

Turning off the lights, he settles back in his chair and they watch as the movie begins to play. He sneaks a look over at Ryan. The light from the TV washes his face in a cool blue light, making him look paler than usual. His tears have dried but his eyes are still puffy, staring straight ahead at the screen.

Shane hears Ryan’s voice as the opening credits appear. “Anna cheated on me with Bradley Powell.”

He turns his head sharply to stare at the other boy. “No way. The one that puked on Abbie West in seventh grade?”

Ryan nods dolefully. “The very one. A-Apparently this has been going on for a while...I was going over to her house at eight or so, ‘cause I was gonna bring her some flowers. And I saw them sitting on her front porch, m-making out—”

“ _No_.”

“Yeah.”

“On her _front porch_? She could have at least _tried_ to be discreet, that- that _bitch_!”

“Y-yeah. They saw me and I just..dropped the flowers and walked away. I went home and just sat there trying to process what just happened, because it- it was so unexpected, you know? And then she texted me. Here…” Ryan fumbles for his phone, navigates to his messages, and hands it over to Shane.

(9:32p) Anna D: hey  
(9:34p) Anna D: do u wanna talk  
(9:39p) Anna D: ryan?

(9:40p) Me: I’m here.

(9:41p) Anna D: ok  
(9:42p) Anna D: im sry, i should have told u earlier

(9:44p) Me: How long has this been going on?

(9:47p) Anna D: since march?

(9:50p) Me: We started dating in December. It’s June now.  
(9:53p) Me: You’ve been cheating on me for half of our relationship?

(9:54p) Anna D: look  
(9:59p) Anna D: ur a rly sweet guy and u have been a great boyfriend and u give me so much stuff that i feel bad sometimes  
(10:03p) Anna D: but brad makes me so much happier and im sry for not telling u sooner i didnt kno how to bring it up

(10:05p) Me: So you decided to let me find out on my own. Thanks for the consideration.

(10:06p) Anna D: ryan  
(10:09p) Anna D: im sry i just dont think we should see each other anymore  
(10:10p) Anna D: goodbye

By the time Shane’s done reading the messages, he’s shaking with rage. “Since March? That’s- no. No, no, no.”

Ryan takes his phone back and doesn’t say anything, choosing to stare at the screen morosely instead. On the TV, Tina Gray’s first dream sequence is playing. Shane watches as a white lamb skitters across the screen and a hideous sound akin to fingernails scraping across a chalkboard causes him to cringe.

“I thought I loved her,” his friend says quietly, still gazing at his phone. “I was sure of it, because whenever I thought of her I was just so _happy_ , and I just really wanted to see her smile all the time and I wanted to be near her and be the reason for her happiness. It really, really hurts to have someone you thought you loved betray you.” He looks up at Shane questioningly. “Have you ever felt like that? Almost being in love with someone?”

He’s quiet for a moment. He watches Tina open her mouth to scream as a scarred man appears onscreen, wearing leather gloves with terrifyingly sharp knives attached to them.

Finally, he lets out a breath and shakes his head. “No, I haven’t.”

But he doesn’t know.


	2. 02 - love-laced rambling

Lacey Lawson asks Shane out in junior year. He’s got nothing to lose, so he accepts.

She’s a fiery spirit. Stubborn, feisty, and passionate, she’s not afraid to take charge of the situation. As a result, she ends up being the one to make the first move for everything: texting first, planning dates. 

Lacey’s got doe-eyes that light up whenever he’s around and soft red hair that falls over her shoulders in waves. She smells like green tea. When she laughs, the corners of her eyes crinkle and her nose gets all scrunched up.

He likes her. He likes the way she talks and the way she doodles all over her notes. He likes her freckles and the novelty earrings she wears every once in awhile. He likes the way she makes strange cooing noises to pet wild cats and the way she hums when she works.

He likes her, but he doesn’t _like_ -like her. No matter how hard he tries, his stomach doesn’t do flip flops when he sees her. His heart doesn’t start beating erratically when she holds his hand. He doesn’t get a rush of adrenaline and dopamine whenever they kiss.

It's not good to string her along if he doesn’t return her feelings, but how is he supposed to tell her? She seems so happy whenever he’s in the room and his heart twists with guilt every time he catches her gazing at him affectionately.

He doesn’t want to break her heart. 

He doesn’t want to do what Anna did to Ryan.

So he just goes along with it. Lacey comes over to his house some days after school. They while away the afternoons doing homework and sneaking kisses in between math problems. 

Lacey likes to bake when she’s not working on history essays and lab write-ups for chemistry. “It helps me de-stress,” she explains. “And I get to reward myself with sugary treats. Win-win situation!” She’s an experimenter, too, so Shane often ends up with a plethora of misshapen muffin-cookie hybrids and rainbow surprise cakes in his fridge. 

His mother absolutely loves her. Their conversations filter through the walls when Shane is working in the den and Lacey is baking a new batch of cookies. He hears them talk about family recipes and baking times. Sometimes they mention him too, but he always tunes them out when he hears his name. He doesn’t want to hear Lacey gushing about him. It would only add to his guilt.

“She’s such a nice girl, Shane,” his mother often says to him. “You’re a very lucky boy. Don’t let her get away.”

Ryan is of the same mind. “Dude, you’re dating Lacey?” he asks. They’re at Ryan’s house playing Mario Kart to pass the time. “She’s like, one of the prettiest girls in the school.”

“Mm.” Shane swerves to avoid falling off the road but he’s a second too late and his car drops into the void below. “Aw, shit.”

“You’ve always been bad at Mario Kart, what did you expect?” Ryan laughs and Shane joins in as he respawns. “Anyway, I’m happy for you, dude. Lacey seems really good for you.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

He thinks that Lacey knows he’s not entirely enthusiastic about their relationship, but it only seems to fuel her determination to win him over. She starts spending more time with him, finding opportunities to walk with him to their next class and passing him little doodles in class. Her kisses, which were soft and sweet before, seem to be fervent and impassioned now. There’s a note of desperation every time their lips meet, as if she’s begging him to stay.

***

Shane asks her to junior prom the cheesy way: a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates that, when opened, spell out “Will you be my prom date?”. Lacey says yes — of course she says yes, would she really have said no? — and she seems a little more sure of their relationship. A little more confident.

A little less afraid of a broken heart.

He picks her up at her house. The moment he enters the driveway, he sees the door open and she steps outside. She’s wearing a pretty teal dress that brings out the red hue of her hair and there's a shy smile tugging at her lips.

They pin each other's boutonnieres and corsages (Lacey's mother steps in after Shane accidentally pokes her for the fourth time), take the customary pre-prom photo to appease their fawning mothers (his mother cries as the shutter clicks), and set out to prom.

The ride to prom is enjoyable. Lacey chatters aimlessly about teachers and classes and plans for the summer. Shane nods and listens, watches streets and houses go past in a blur, tinted orange by the setting sun. Lacey's hair is glowing softly in the light. She's fallen silent, gazing out at the pink-streaked horizon. Turning suddenly, she catches Shane's eye and grins at him so fondly that he feels like he's sick with guilt.

She doesn't deserve the heartbreak he's going to cause her.

***

Even though he tries, he's not very excited about prom. The fairy lights strung across the room seem superficial and lackluster. He can't stomach the disgustingly sweet chocolates and pastries that are laid out in troves on a long white table. Shane dumps his plate nonchalantly in the trash. Finding it impossible to deal with Lacey singing praises for the decorations, he excuses himself to the bathroom.

He swings the door open to find Cam Dixon and Archie Burns, the senior captains of the soccer team, making out like it's the end of the world. Archie's glasses are askew and he's got Cam pinned against the wall as he attacks the latter's face. They break apart when they hear him come in, cheeks varying shades of red and struggling to catch their breaths.

Something twists inside of Shane and he suddenly loses his ability to form coherent sentences. His own face has now assumed a deep color. He desperately avoids eye contact with the source of his befuddlement.

"Um," he says stupidly.

The two upperclassmen fumble with a series of beginnings.

"We were—" Cam begins.

"It's not—" Archie tries.

There's a loud silence.

Shane slowly backs out of the bathroom. "I'm gonna go somewhere else," he mumbles — or something like that; he can't remember exactly what he said because his mind is still so flustered. He catches a glimpse of Ryan and his date on the dance floor. Tearing his eyes away, he makes his way to the minibar.

Lacey finds him dejectedly pouring glass after glass of fruit punch. She stalks over to him, her dress fluttering behind her like flowing blue fins. "Shane, where the hell have you been?" she demands. Her nose is scrunched up in fury. It'd be cute if he weren't so emotionally detached right now.

An uncomfortable prickliness creeps down his back. He shrugs. "I was in the bathroom," he says. 

"For thirty _fucking_ minutes?" Lacey hisses.

Taken aback, Shane raises his hands in an effort to de-escalate the situation. He's never heard Lacey swear before. "Look, Lacey, I-I'm sorry alright? The éclairs didn't sit well with me—" and he instantly regrets saying anything because Lacey _does not need to know that_.

She opens her mouth to retort, but she changes her mind and sighs deeply instead. "Come with me," she says to him, whirling around and walking away without a glance behind her.

Bringing him to an isolated balcony on the second floor, Lacey leans against the railing and stares off into space. The stars are obscured by a wide swath of dark clouds, but the faint glow of the moon persists past the veil. 

Shane focuses on a neon sign on the street below. TAROT READINGS AND MAGICK, it screams in burning red letters. LOVE ADVICE FOR THE INCOMPATIBLE.

"I've really been trying, you know," says Lacey, breaking him out of his reverie. He looks over at her and is stabbed with guilt when he sees that she's been crying. She sniffs and clumsily wipes at her reddened nose.

Turning toward him, she gazes at him with watery eyes. "It's...I really like you, Shane, and I really thought you liked me too. And I really wanted it to work out, I tried _so hard_." She pauses and sniffs again. "And I don't want to make you feel bad, but you've been an awful boyfriend recently. You don't — do you even care about me anymore?"

Shane ignores the guilt churning in the pit of his stomach and laces their fingers together. "Of course I do," he says. "I'm sorry." 

But Lacey tears his hand away from hers and takes a step back. Her eyes are unnaturally bright, speaking the pent-up words that she'd never dare to say out loud. "No, you're not," she accuses him. "You don't care about me. You never have. You _used_ me. And I know exactly fucking why you did that. You _used_ me to try and get over Ryan _fucking_ Bergara—"

"Lacey, what are you—"

" _NO!_ Don't you _dare_ lie to me! I've seen the way you look at him, I've seen how you talk to him like he's the only thing that matters. Hell, why don't you just go and make out with him?" Her chest is heaving and she's burst into even more angry tears. Dark streaks are running down her cheeks and she takes a shuddering breath before she hammers the final nail in the coffin.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be that for you."

She leaves.

And he's alone now on this hidden balcony with only his turbulent thoughts to keep him company.

***

Ryan meets up with him after prom, basking in the afterglow of a night well spent. He looks more beautiful than ever. "Hey, Shane!"

He glances tiredly at his friend. "Hey."

"Uh—" Put off by his lack of enthusiasm, Ryan's radiance dims and morphs into concern. "Where's Lacey?"

Shane pauses for a second, then shrugs. "I don't know." And then, "We broke up."

Saying those words out loud cements his unspoken truths into reality. There's a sense of loss and sadness, but it's mostly guilt.

Guilt guilt guilt.

Lacey doesn't deserve what he did to her. She's lovely and soft and kind and compassionate and she doesn't deserve any of his lies.

It's his fault.

And yet...

He sneaks a glance at his best friend, who looks as heartbroken as he is guilty. "Shane," his friend begins, but he changes his mind and wraps his arms around him in a comforting hug.

Just like that, he feels ten times better. Because Ryan is warm and his voice is soothing, because he can smell the rain and the cinnamon clinging to his skin (that hasn't changed, even after all these years), because he feels so comforted and loved and because it's Ryan.

But Lacey's words keep haunting him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yikes i'm sorry that it took so long for me to update! school started and it's been a whirl of tests and papers and lab reports and whatnot since then. but i'm on thanksgiving break now, which is a welcome relief - and i might be able to write more!
> 
> anyway, i hope you liked this chapter! comments and kudos make me happy <3


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